Drafts on new perspectives (Soul Restoration part 3)

Why do we renovate old buildings or redo our homes? Usually because we are ready for something new. Perhaps the space has fallen into disrepair, or we are just ready for change. Our spiritual life requires maintenance, as well. We are all subject to entropy. I think about this every time I clean my house. I pull out the vacuum, the dog freaks out and everyone suddenly needs to be in a different room. But I’m stuck sucking up all the dog hair. I loathe vacuuming and apparently so does the dog. The worst part about this chore is that I know more dog hair will appear (within minutes, if not seconds). This is entropy. It happens everywhere! It not only happens on our kitchen floors and in our gardens, but in our friendships and in our spiritual lives, as well.

Thus, the need for restoration. The longer we let things go the harder it is to recover. When we buy an old building, we know it’s going to be rough because nobody has been keeping it up. The paint is peeling, the pipes are leaking, the wood is rotting; it’s usually a gut job. Once we have gone through the demolition phase, which I wrote about in part two of this series (check it out here) or if you missed part one about soul restoration (check that out here), it’s time to start designing the new space.

When we are updating buildings, we usually look for ways the space can be better utilized. How can we use this area to the fullest? I feel this way spiritually. I’m tired of my old way of doing things. I want something new. I have tried my way for a long time. I’m more than ready to try God’s way. A place I really struggle personally is to find joy. I tend to look at everything wrong with any given situation to the point of overlooking anything good. Can you relate to this? This was the culture of my family. There are many, many great things about us, but finding the bright side? Not so much. My uncle once told my aunt that she was defined by the things she hates. Yup.

I have to work so hard not to complain. I honestly don’t even always know I’m doing it; it just feels like talking to me. Do you have something in your life like this? Maybe you always put yourself down or you have no patience for anyone who doesn’t do things right (i.e., your way). Maybe you don’t make time for people, or you deal with a jealous heart. Whatever it is, are you sick of it? Ready to change?

Sick of it was how I felt about a month ago when we were in the middle of our second move in less than a year. An unexpected move. We sold our house (that I loved, but we wanted more space). Intellectually, I knew at some point we were going to have to move if I ever wanted more said space, but I wanted to just move into the next “dream” house. Well, this move was a multi-tiered plan that involved going into a rental while we looked for said new place. Let’s just say I was not finding the “joy.”

As events unfolded, there were steps in there nobody saw coming (especially me). For instance, we bought an old school building to renovate into living spaces with the plan of going in ourselves. While a very cool idea, this was not in my plans. But surprise, the school wasn’t ready anyway before we had to be out of our rental. So (wait for it) we bought a tiny cottage to remodel and move into in nine days. People said it couldn’t be done. Turns out it really can’t be done, and we had to spend a couple of nights in one of our Airbnb rentals that was available only because we were waiting for the air conditioner to be repaired. So, place to stay. Check. Any chance of sleeping after a near 100-degree day. No check.

I am not really one to swing with the punches. Thus, all the complaining. If I were to swing into any mental illness it would probably be a hoarder. I love to save things. I keep clothes from college. Scones from last week. So, you can see being forced into a minimalist lifestyle might evoke some complaining or just talking (however you see it.) So, as you can imagine I needed to do some redesigning of my thought life. I had painted myself into a corner. I was living in a small closet of complaints when I could be living in a whole tiny cottage. One day I caught part of a sermon on the radio about not giving into our compulsions. Ever feel like a sermon or article is talking just to you?

The Holy Spirit convicted me through the audible voice on the radio. It hit me so hard, I forgot about the library books I needed to return and sat in the car listening and then had to go on a long walk just to process where I was spiritually. My complaining and unhappiness had become an ugly habit, a compulsion. It was time to knock down some walls and rearrange the rooms. I had locked myself into a dark little corner when there was so much space. So much to enjoy. So much to be thankful for. That night I went for another walk, this time in my new neighborhood, and it was nothing short of magical. How had I not seen it before? I caught a glimpse of the sunset over the lake across the street, families gathered at outdoor tables lit with twinkle lights and someone played old music from the 40s and I thought, wow!, I get to live here?

I was so focused on the dollhouse-sized washer and dryer and the lack of counter space in my tiny cottage that I had missed the beauty of living near the lake and the simplicity and joy, yes joy, of having a small place. I felt like a veil had been lifted. Wait! I’ve been using this space all wrong. I wanted to paint over the hideous colors of discontentment and bitterness and redecorate with thankfulness and peace. I opened all the windows and aired the place out; gone was the musty stench of ungratefulness and in came the fresh air of a new perspective. I could never do this on my own. I needed the conviction of the Holy Spirit to open my eyes and my heart to what God had for me and this time it came to me over the radio air waves.

Renovating our soul is not just getting rid of the old but planning for the new. The new creature you are in Christ. Therefore, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. (2 Cor 5:17) One that can change, that can grow, that can find joy (or contentment or peace or forgiveness). The Bible says joy cometh in the morning. (Ps 30:5) After a hard season of demolition, it’s time to rethink, update and rearrange our lives. What do we dwell on? What do we talk about? How do we spend our time?

What’s one of the first things we want to do when we renovate? Have people over! Come see the changes I have made in my house or more importantly the changes the Lord has made in my heart. Before in this area I was ugly and selfish (pull out old photos), but now the Lord has changed my outlook. I see things through His eyes. We want to share the renovations in our homes and in our lives. Come over, have a meal, a conversation in this new space. I want to tell you what the Lord did for me. How things have changed by His grace. What’s the best part of a makeover story? The after shots.

Although we want to make changes for ourselves, we also make changes for those around us. I want to be a place people find safe and comforting. Relatable, yes, but someone that can move past the challenges and provide shelter for those in my “neighborhood.” I want to be useful to the Lord. The prayer of my heart is that God can repurpose my hurt and struggles to further His kingdom. The Lord will always be doing maintenance on me, but I want to be a place people can come to get shelter from the rain, inviting and warm . . . even if there is a lot of dog hair.

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Further reading:

The Hitching Post

Fuzzy Hope

Drafts on Margins

Let’s see, do I have everything? Computer and cord, blanket scarf (in the unfortunate event air conditioning has turned a lovely fall day into the polar vortex), library book to return, shopping bags and list, Bible study (in case I get a few minutes in car line) and the snack bag (never forget the snack bag!). This is how I leave my house most days. I run from one thing to the next, always having to think three steps ahead. Do I have the notes for that meeting, the right shoes to get a work out in and enough food to get me through the next six hours? It’s a lot and as you can imagine, I often fall behind and have to call my next meeting and say I’m running late. I jam too much into a day and if one thing gets off track, the whole day is off-the-rails and I’m running, running, running!

Have you ever noticed how pages come with margins? That lovely clean space around the perimeter of the words so there aren’t letters or punctuation marks running right off the page and falling into the abyss. Margins offer a space to work that leaves a little room. Margins keep all the thoughts confined to the middle of the page. But perhaps the best part is that they leave room for mistakes. I make a lot of mistakes; how about you? I misjudge how long a conversation will take, what the expectations are, or I show up in the wrong shoes with the wrong attitude. Margins allow time to find parking and to take the long way round if the bridge is out. So, if I get a little lost or need to take a phone call, margins give built-in sidelines to my day—to my life, which gives me space for such things.

Am I Available?

Margins give us room to breathe. A few minutes to collect ourselves and the space to help others. More importantly, margins give room for God to use us. When I pack my day so tight, I’m not available for any assignments He may have for me. Maybe a conversations that starts out about the weather (a fav topic here in Michigan) takes a deeper turn and demands more time or maybe one of your kid’s friends asks for a ride home, but really it’s a divine appointment for prayer. If I don’t have any margins in my day for such things, I will miss out on what really matters. Is my goal to check off my to-do list? Or to bless people? Do I get up in the morning with the goal of turning out three loads of laundry, replying to work emails, and helping with the school play? (Surely these things need to be done.) Or is my goal to be available to those who may need me?

The other day at the grocery store, the checkout girl was new and young and she was struggling. I had built in extra time to go the store so I was able to be patient, but the woman behind me was loudly complaining about how slow the line was moving (I saw myself in this woman), but I just smiled kindly as the girl apologized for needing to repack my bags a couple times; she was going to need some encouragement to get her through the next client. I have to build margins into my day and hope others build margins into their days when I might . . . say, lock my keys in my car (and then my son’s piano teacher has to load up her 4 kids and mine and come get me at the post office and then drive me home to get the spare key and drive me back again!). So . . . I might need some big margins.

Creating White Space

Last week I talked about making time for kindness in our days: see Drafts on Kindness in Tiny Beads. I have been pondering just how does one build free moments into our hectic lives? There is no easy answer and it looks different for everyone depending on where we are in life. Perhaps getting up a little earlier than usual? One of my friend’s gets up at 5:00 a.m. to get her time with the Lord in before her children wake, and I believe she also gets in a whole pot of coffee (I mean—it is 5:00 a.m.!) To me that is a ridiculous time; clearly meant for sleep! But I guess we are all different. Of course, we can not stack our days so tight, perhaps spacing out meetings in case they run late (don’t they always?). If you have small children (or just any children or even a dog) getting ready to leave 20 minutes sooner so you have time for the lost shoe hunt, muddy paws, spilled juice on the one day you actually thought—maybe, just maybe, you could finally wear white again.

I just got a text about a playdate after school today; and while I did say yes, I put a hard border on the time. If I make it home by 5:00 p.m. instead of 5:30 p.m., that extra half hour margin will allow me to be a more patient mother at bedtime, which is most often when we have our best talks about God and life. (I’ll let you know how it goes . . .) Update** So, I did make it home around 5:00 p.m. and still felt crazy trying to get it all done; but when my son asked me later to read to him about the weird creatures in the Bible in Ezekiel, instead of being ridiculously past bedtime it was just sorta past bedtime—so I went for it. I was glad there was that little clean margin on my page for that conversation.

These are simple ideas, and I know there are just days that have no margins (and sometimes the Lord calls for our time when we feel we have no time to give). Yesterday, a friend texted me after her child threw a fit about having to wear pants to school and then they got in the car late to only realize she was completely out of gas. This is the type of day where the words are written right on to the edge of the page with no room to breathe. Maybe there is something you need to say no to in order to have more time in your life for God to work. My husband and I have had seasons of saying no to good and fun activities, like sports and sitting on the board of great nonprofits, because it just made our days spill off the pages. Things I would love to volunteer for or writing projects that I would be thrilled to take on, but knew it would just fill my days to capacity and I need (I think we all need) margins for the Holy Spirit to move.

I find when I don’t build space in my day, I get crazy, I have no patience, no time and I more than not end up with a headache that has me stuck at home anyway. I want to take it all in. I want to fill every second of my day with coffee dates, work projects, community events. I think of those old letters people used to write when paper and postage were expensive and they would literally fill ever inch with teeny-tiny writing, even on the envelope.

Does your life look like a Jane Austen letter?

But my eyes need a place to rest—white space, if you will. Gaps from the words of life to just not have to focus and think and try. Margins allow us to write postcripts to our day, underline and draw arrows out to the edges; making note of this or that, praying for this person or that person as the Lord lays it on our hearts. I know for me, I may need time to take an unexpected phone call. I may need time to comfort and encourage hurting people; taking note of what they are really saying and what they really need. I may need time to stay late and talk. Sometimes I need your margins and sometimes you need mine. I’m trying to keep clean edges on the pages of my day.

What does the Lord want to write in your margins?

Is there space for Him? Or have you filled your days tight like a Jane Austen letter?

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Drafts on Perspective : A Call From Bob

I work very hard to not take my life for granted. The times I have to work the hardest are when I hear about how exciting other peoples lives are in comparison to mine. I have shared that we are entrepreneurs and while that, in and of itself, is not exactly playing it safe, owning businesses and contracting does keep one rather tethered down, at least physically. When I look at Instagram pictures of friends lying on beaches or hiking jungle trails or sipping a café au lait in distant countries, I get a longing in my heart. I try to satisfy it with taking a new route to the coffee shop, but it’s just not the same.

Friends that are crushing it at work, getting promotions, books deals and awards trigger me to look around and think . . . what have I done lately? My awards are getting dusty. My work is quiet and mostly unnoticed, unless you count picking up dye-free laundry soap a win, because I pulled the trigger on that one. Why is it our lives so often feel like an old sweater we have had forever; it’s comfortable and does the job of keeping us warm, but putting it on is not something we are going to post about. Who would appreciate that old pullover with the coffee-stained sleeve and frayed hem?

I was at the “office” — my local coffeehouse and I ran into a co-worker (another person who uses said coffee shop as an office). We are both sorely lacking in the work environment area so have decided to be cohorts and pretend we have important meetings, which is mostly him buying me coffee and cookies while we discuss life. Just like in a real office, right? One day, at a very important meeting (someone has to eat those cookies) he told me about a call he received from his friend Bob. This call from Bob has proven to be a much needed source of perspective for both of us.

My co-worker hadn’t heard from Bob in some years so the phone call was basically a catching up on life. My cookie supplier (his favorite title) has had an interesting life (insert challenging for interesting and then insert crazy for challenging); let’s just say he has made some bad choices and his life has reflected those choices. So his life looked “interesting.” He has since made good choices and now his world reflects those good choices. So he preceded to tell Bob about his life; he described living in a great little beach town that looks like a postcard, how he bikes to a coffee shop and is greeted by name, and can name good friends that genuinely care about him . The more he describes his life to Bob, the more Bob gets excited on the other end of the phone call.

“Wow! Your life sounds just wonderful.” Bob exclaims.

It made my friend put down his cup of coffee and get a little misty-eyed while thinking about what his life looked like through Bob’s eyes.

My life, as well, could have taken so many different turns. I made a lot of bad choices myself. And in all fairness, my life could look pretty bleak, but instead I have been on the receiving end of grace. Spiritually, I could be living in a dry and desolate land. While I love the beauty of a desert and the thorny cacti, it is something to be admired from afar, but nobody wants to live there. It is too hot and too thirsty. I want to live spiritually near a water source where I can cool off from the heat of life and get a drink anytime I want. Adventure has its gleam (and its time) but when you have a family and jobs, it tends to take a backseat.

We so often long for the things we don’t have; I know I do. I have friends that long to be married with small children and I have friends with scores of small children who long to do anything and everything one cannot do with small children. We say it’s just human nature. And perhaps it is, or perhaps it’s something deeper. It’s a longing that will never be satisfied, but we think it will if we can just take that trip to Europe or get a part time job away from our families or meet the right person. If we looked like her or had his brains or had what they have or . . . and the list goes on.

It’s a lie of the desert, the pretty flowers hiding the sharp needles of the succulents. They poke our hearts and say we aren't enough, we aren’t pretty enough or smart enough or clever enough. They say our lives aren’t enough. And we look around, wanting more, thinking it will satisfy us and it never will. We all sometimes need a call from Bob, someone to point out the sweet spots in our life. How far we have come when it could have turned out so different—but for the grace of God.

My friend Tracy and I are often “a call from Bob,” but we take it to an extreme (this is who we are). Tracy called me because they had an undetected leak in their roof and part of their bedroom wall was rotting! She was pretty upset because it would be a major fix. But luckily for her, I just watched a documentary on the Irish Potato Famine and I had more perspective than I knew what to do with. So, she got to have a big ole’ dose of what a little problem this actually was when she could be starving and living in a dank little hovel. Now granted this is not what she was looking for when she called me, but she did laugh and say, “well, when you put it that way.” We often refer to the “potato famine” when consoling each other. We still have problems but when we hold them next to events like World War II or famines or even what life would look like without indoor pluming, our perspective gets a kick in the teeth.

Sometimes the Lord uses “a call from Bob” to remind us of the beauty and blessings in our lives and that thing we think we need to have to be content . . . is just a door to the next thing we think we will need.

Write about your own personal “call from Bob.”

Journal about how perspective has changed you when your circumstances didn’t change.

Notes on Publishing

For those of you looking to dive into the world of publishing, I suggested in a previous post that you start with a list of writing topics. Review post here in the Notes on publishing section.

Now it’s time to look for a place you could send your work. Don’t let compensation play a role at this point. Write for free or very little; you just want to get a credit to your name. Check out local papers, magazines or websites. What are their needs? Does anything overlap with what you could possibly write about? I covered restaurant reviews for a local magazine for a bit, it hardly covered the cost of me checking out these places, but it was fun and gave me a regular byline. You could try book reviews which may add up to a free book or maybe there is a new and growing parenting website that you follow, which might be open to looking at your work.

Look around, pay attention to what is happening in your community print-wise and check out new sites that need content. I also looked at very knish publications that probably don’t get as many submissions. My second published piece was in a lovely little magazine most people have never even heard of called Tea Magazine. I published my story, “Tea and Toast” about the comfort of tea. Perhaps you love sewing or glass blowing, find a publication that speaks to this specific passion.

A great resource for finding publications looking for writers is the Writer’s Market (so many publications you have never even heard of). This source is updated every other year and I use it to find both places I want to write for and possible homes for already written pieces. There are also Writer’s Markets for specific needs such as fiction and poetry. I also love to spend an hour at a bookstore flipping through magazines where I would love to someday see my byline.

After you find a couple options of where to send your work, we will next tackle the crafting of that query letter.