Christmas traditions orange clove faith joy

Have a very orange Christmas

December 13, 2023 by Emily Downs in Holiday

Orange is not a color I usually think of at Christmas time. Yet, this year, I found my mind often wandering back to the brightly-hued citrus fruit. When I contemplate what this holiday season is supposed to mean and what is has become, I remember my grandpa sharing how, as a child, he was thrilled to get an orange for Christmas. It seemed to be the star of the show, as far as presents went.

If you grew up reading Laura Ingalls Wilder’s books, like I did as girl, you might remember her receiving an orange and being equally thankful as my grandpa, This round fruit seems to be the Talking Elmo of its day. Everyone wanted an orange. In the case of the 19th-century author and my grandpa, they lived in areas reminiscent of that famous Irving Berlin song, “A White Christmas.” December is snowy and cold and . . . well, white; beautiful in its sheer vastness, its very monotone. I think this is why the lights and tinsel shine so bright in the wintery parts of the world. And why the vibrant orange would make a child’s eyes light up on Christmas morning. It’s a piece of summer, sweet and sticky, in a cold season that is void of color. It’s a reminder and a promise wrapped in a rind.

oranges at Christmas decorations natural

I spent a little time researching the tradition of the orange at Yuletide. Several cultures use them and have stories behind the humble fruit. There are legends of them representing the gold coins that Santa would drop in stockings, hung on the hearth, where they would melt by the fire and become a ball of gold. The Victorians made pomanders by sticking cloves in oranges as gifts and they also decorated tree boughs and iced cakes with thinly dried slices. The tradition of putting oranges in stockings has been around for a long time. Here in the U.S., lingering depression and war brought rationing at an already scarce time of year, so a pop of color, tart and sweet would have felt like a taste of heaven.

I often find myself talking about the joy of getting an orange for Christmas in retrospect to the consumerism of today. Can you imagine a modern child being excited over an orange in their stocking? I still remember being upset over getting a sleeping bag instead of a doll one year. I have the snapshot to prove it; my disappointment written on my face. With trays of cookies and cups of hot cocoa, who wants a piece of fruit? Unless of course, it’s dipped in chocolate.

We can now buy bags of oranges, that we then forget about on top of our fridge and throw away weeks later. There are so many varieties of orange juice it has its own section in the store. Fruit, although lovely, has lost its wow factor in our time of plenty. So, to me the orange in snowy weather represents something I’m after, something I’m longing for. . . it’s no longer fruit. Or maybe it is.

An orange in a Winterland feels otherworldly; it clearly traveled from afar, like an exotic visitor. It makes me think of the real purpose of this annual celebration we call Christmas. As Christians, we are focused on the birth of our Saviour, who came like a pop of color into a dark world. He pierced the darkness in a way that ripples through time, backwards and forwards, offering hope to us earthlings. Announced by angels, spotlighted by a star, he arrived out of season, because the earth had been plunged in sin and mire for thousands of years and we couldn’t even imagine a way out. Christmas time falls close to the darkest, longest night of the year, so how fitting that we celebrate with candles and twinkling lights—it’s when we long for warmth and hope the most. Christ, the Babe, the Child, the Redeemer, came when we needed Him most, when it seemed all was lost, the darkest night of the soul.

Then music, then light, then hope; for unto us a Child is born.

“And she shall bring forth a son,

and thou shalt call his name Jesus:

for he shall save his people from their sins.” Matthew 1:21

Jesus, laid in the manger, was the perfect fruit of heaven coming down into a dark, dreary and wintery world. God, incarnate, came in the flesh, crossed the barrier between the realms of heaven and earth, of spirt and flesh and landed in a manger, of all places. There we may look upon Him and believe! He is The Gift! The “it” present of every season, the sweet in a world of sour, the living water in the desert of our emotions, the bread of our life. As a human baby and King of kings, he humbled himself to live among us. The salvation and hope He offers this cold world is a warmth to defrost even the hardest of hearts.

He was not what was expected. Like an orange out of season, he was and is both humble and almighty. A gift of summer in the winter of our lives. A gift of color in the blackness. Sweet salvation. Simple and yet deeply complex in only the way God can create. All it takes is a child-like faith, then excitement, hope and anticipation like on Christmas morning. Every move, every word, from stable to cross, from resurrection to ascension, performed out of love for His creation. This is our greatest gift.

Now, we take time each year to remember this gift. This miracle that is the baby who is God. The man (1 Tim 3:16) who radiates hope throughout generations, as we read the Bible and tell our children and our neighbors about the real reason we sing and gather and give during this season. So, I entreat you to slow down this year and ponder as Mary did, just who this baby was and what he meant for mankind. Bake the cookies, wrap the gifts, hug the friends and remember, it’s not about how much we do or where we go or what we get. It is about whom we carry inside of us—the Holy Spirit—growing us spiritually. That way we can produce fruit (even while trekking through a winter of the soul), a picture of God’s love and mercy, a reflection of light that lives in our hearts and minds.

In a season often wrought with stress and pressure, in a time when people can feel most alone, in a place of life’s let-downs and disappointments, we can present someone an orange in a season of snow.

What does an orange look like today? A kind word, a token of encouragement, a remembrance, a story of redemption. Like the tradition of gold coins melting into orange-like balls, we can offer people real worth in a time fraught with imitation gold. So, give your children lasting joy in a world of broken toys, give your friends hope in a time of trials, and give those around you something sweet that is everlasting.

Don’t let the true gift of Christmas get lost in the vastness, the frazzled backdrop of white noise that often takes over this time of year. Sit by the tree, flip through the Bible and read about the baby that came to offer life to a dying world and peel a sweet orange, because really that’s what we are all longing for . . .

“Behold, the virgin shall be with child, and bear a son,

and they shall call His name Immanuel,

which is translated, “God with us.” Matthew 1:23

Living Stones

September 17, 2023 by Emily Downs

When I say the word church, you probably picture a building. I live in what is often referred to as the Bible Belt of America; there are churches on every corner. And I mean, like every corner! I can hear the church bells from where I sit right now. I recently had a non-American friend ask me how anyone here picks a church when there are so many. Excellent question.

If I lived in Europe, I would be tempted to select my Sunday morning destination by which cathedral inspired the most grandeur in my heart. I’m a sucker for a beautiful building; the older the better. Have you read my article on restoring old buildings? I love architecture and if it’s old and crumbly, all the more. I’m willing to endure damp and drafty for Old World charm, but I will complain when a church has the air conditioning on too high or if they run out of coffee. So maybe I wouldn’t have made it in a 5th century structure after all.

Build your faith upon the rock of God’s word

Although we picture a building when we say the word church, be it in someone’s living room or a domed cathedral, we should actually picture people. Other believers are the “real” church. The building is simply that—a place to gather. The church is made of “living stones.” This idea comes from 1 Peter 2. Here Peter tells us that we, “as lively stones, are built up a spiritual house” and Jesus Himself, is the chief corner stone, of which all is built around.

Well, if Jesus is referred to as a “stone” in the Bible, how blessed are we to also be likened to these seemingly uninteresting pieces of rock that can be found laying around almost anywhere? So, I figured a further study on rocks would yield something interesting spiritually. As so often it goes, once the Holy Spirit has put this thought in my head, it pops up everywhere. I have never once thought of rocks as having a spiritual lesson to teach us: gardens, misbehaving dogs (my dog, Scout!) and children—sure, but rocks? But when it comes to eternal lessons, God leaves no stone unturned.

As it turns out, rocks are just waiting to teach us about God. So next time you collect a rock at the beach or arrange them around your flower beds or (gasp!) kick them down the road, think of how God uses even these lowly guys to preach His glory.

Rocks are likened to bread, to people, to the word of God and to Christ!

Satan temps Jesus to turn the rocks into bread. What a thought! Jesus has been fasting for 40 days (I would be tempted to eat a stone after, like one day of fasting). In his human form, Jesus is so hungry and of course He has the ability to turn something boring into something delicious, something inedible into wonderous bread. It is no doubt that Jesus can work miracles (something Satan certainly doesn’t doubt); he is not tempting Him to do it, rather to refrain from using his undeniable powers. Perhaps like me, you have no issue believing God can heal or rescue you, but you battle with why He doesn’t. Here Jesus could easily bring substance out of rock, yet for God’s glory, He doesn’t do it. Is it possible that the situations in our lives are meant to teach us and mature us for some greater purpose? The rocks stayed rocks to defeat the enemy. Do you have some rocks in your life that perhaps need to stay rocks?

The Bible also likens our hearts to stone. Ezekiel 11:19 says, “And I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh.” I would be the first to admit that my heart can act stony. Sometimes I am unmoved by the needs of those around me because I’m too busy looking at my own wants. Perhaps I’m fed up with recurring situations or behaviors and I’ve grown weary of showing patience and love. Or worse yet, I’ve grown hardened to my own sin, it doesn’t bother me anymore. Are our hearts soft and sensitive to the prodding of the Holy Spirt? Are we being convicted to represent God well in difficult situations? In many ways it’s easier to have a hard heart. We can’t be hurt. If someone kicks our heart of stone chances are that they will get hurt, not us. Do we trust God with a soft heart?

“Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering . . . and above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfectness.” (Col 3:12, 14)

One stone or brick by itself is fairly useless, but when fitted together and stuck with mortar they become shelter and protection from the elements. Stone houses really stand the test of time because the material is so solid. A rock or a stone is hard to damage; it can really take a beating over time. God created the church at Pentecost (this story is found in Acts) but instead of making it a physical building, he made it a living body, so it would last generation after generation. We, today, are part of that same church started in the 1st Century.

coral reef living stones — lively stones

The church is a living organism made up of souls. It makes me think of a coral reef. A reef is something solid like a wall, but it’s alive; made up of tiny living organisms called polyps. They look like wee little flowers and they are all attached together to form this living structure where other animals and plant life can survive, yet the reef itself is alive!! This makes me think of the church—a place for shelter and protection (when done right), a place that is made up of living souls, all coming together to be sanctified, to be nurtured and to grow in faith.

What part do you play? Do you provide stability by being someone that is always there and available. Are you a good listener or ready with Biblical advice? Can you help someone physically who is struggling or financially who can’t cover their expenses? We are lively stones, making up the invisible church. While we do have a calling to spread the Gospel we are told to take care of each other, other believers; we are family. Discipleship, encouragement, teaching, correcting (in love) and understanding are all part of the coral reef that is the living church.

worship truth love encouragement — The Lord God made them all …

Have you ever looked at picture of an underwater reef? It is a bright and colorful place, made up of many different plants and animals that are part of the ecosystem. We, as a church, are joined to all people, kindreds, tongues and nations that call Jesus, Lord. We often do things a bit differently, but I believe God loves variety; look at how different He has made each one of us and still we are all made in His image. The church is a place of diversity, yet what unites us in Christianity, is that Christ is our corner stone—the rock of our salvation and we believe the Bible to be the inerrant Word of God, from which we take instruction. In this ecosystem, the orange fish and the purple plants are living on the firm foundation of Christ Jesus as Lord. “The LORD liveth; and blessed be my rock; and let the God of my salvation be exalted.” (Ps18:46). “The Lord is my rock and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust, my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.” (Ps 18:2). “He only is my rock and my salvation; he is my defence; I shall not be greatly moved.” (Ps 62:2)

God does not need us to praise Him. Jesus taught in Luke 19:40, that even if the people keep silent the rocks will cry out in praise. So watch out, we can be replaced by a mere rock. I, for one, am now completely intimidated by rocks. These guys are impressive!

rejoice in the lord Holy Spirit — Even the rocks will cry out …

Drafts on new perspectives (Soul Restoration part 3)

September 26, 2022 by Emily Downs

Why do we renovate old buildings or redo our homes? Usually because we are ready for something new. Perhaps the space has fallen into disrepair, or we are just ready for change. Our spiritual life requires maintenance, as well. We are all subject to entropy. I think about this every time I clean my house. I pull out the vacuum, the dog freaks out and everyone suddenly needs to be in a different room. But I’m stuck sucking up all the dog hair. I loathe vacuuming and apparently so does the dog. The worst part about this chore is that I know more dog hair will appear (within minutes, if not seconds). This is entropy. It happens everywhere! It not only happens on our kitchen floors and in our gardens, but in our friendships and in our spiritual lives, as well.

Thus, the need for restoration. The longer we let things go the harder it is to recover. When we buy an old building, we know it’s going to be rough because nobody has been keeping it up. The paint is peeling, the pipes are leaking, the wood is rotting; it’s usually a gut job. Once we have gone through the demolition phase, which I wrote about in part two of this series (check it out here) or if you missed part one about soul restoration (check that out here), it’s time to start designing the new space.

When we are updating buildings, we usually look for ways the space can be better utilized. How can we use this area to the fullest? I feel this way spiritually. I’m tired of my old way of doing things. I want something new. I have tried my way for a long time. I’m more than ready to try God’s way. A place I really struggle personally is to find joy. I tend to look at everything wrong with any given situation to the point of overlooking anything good. Can you relate to this? This was the culture of my family. There are many, many great things about us, but finding the bright side? Not so much. My uncle once told my aunt that she was defined by the things she hates. Yup.

I have to work so hard not to complain. I honestly don’t even always know I’m doing it; it just feels like talking to me. Do you have something in your life like this? Maybe you always put yourself down or you have no patience for anyone who doesn’t do things right (i.e., your way). Maybe you don’t make time for people, or you deal with a jealous heart. Whatever it is, are you sick of it? Ready to change?

Sick of it was how I felt about a month ago when we were in the middle of our second move in less than a year. An unexpected move. We sold our house (that I loved, but we wanted more space). Intellectually, I knew at some point we were going to have to move if I ever wanted more said space, but I wanted to just move into the next “dream” house. Well, this move was a multi-tiered plan that involved going into a rental while we looked for said new place. Let’s just say I was not finding the “joy.”

As events unfolded, there were steps in there nobody saw coming (especially me). For instance, we bought an old school building to renovate into living spaces with the plan of going in ourselves. While a very cool idea, this was not in my plans. But surprise, the school wasn’t ready anyway before we had to be out of our rental. So (wait for it) we bought a tiny cottage to remodel and move into in nine days. People said it couldn’t be done. Turns out it really can’t be done, and we had to spend a couple of nights in one of our Airbnb rentals that was available only because we were waiting for the air conditioner to be repaired. So, place to stay. Check. Any chance of sleeping after a near 100-degree day. No check.

I am not really one to swing with the punches. Thus, all the complaining. If I were to swing into any mental illness it would probably be a hoarder. I love to save things. I keep clothes from college. Scones from last week. So, you can see being forced into a minimalist lifestyle might evoke some complaining or just talking (however you see it.) So, as you can imagine I needed to do some redesigning of my thought life. I had painted myself into a corner. I was living in a small closet of complaints when I could be living in a whole tiny cottage. One day I caught part of a sermon on the radio about not giving into our compulsions. Ever feel like a sermon or article is talking just to you?

The Holy Spirit convicted me through the audible voice on the radio. It hit me so hard, I forgot about the library books I needed to return and sat in the car listening and then had to go on a long walk just to process where I was spiritually. My complaining and unhappiness had become an ugly habit, a compulsion. It was time to knock down some walls and rearrange the rooms. I had locked myself into a dark little corner when there was so much space. So much to enjoy. So much to be thankful for. That night I went for another walk, this time in my new neighborhood, and it was nothing short of magical. How had I not seen it before? I caught a glimpse of the sunset over the lake across the street, families gathered at outdoor tables lit with twinkle lights and someone played old music from the 40s and I thought, wow!, I get to live here?

I was so focused on the dollhouse-sized washer and dryer and the lack of counter space in my tiny cottage that I had missed the beauty of living near the lake and the simplicity and joy, yes joy, of having a small place. I felt like a veil had been lifted. Wait! I’ve been using this space all wrong. I wanted to paint over the hideous colors of discontentment and bitterness and redecorate with thankfulness and peace. I opened all the windows and aired the place out; gone was the musty stench of ungratefulness and in came the fresh air of a new perspective. I could never do this on my own. I needed the conviction of the Holy Spirit to open my eyes and my heart to what God had for me and this time it came to me over the radio air waves.

Renovating our soul is not just getting rid of the old but planning for the new. The new creature you are in Christ. Therefore, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. (2 Cor 5:17) One that can change, that can grow, that can find joy (or contentment or peace or forgiveness). The Bible says joy cometh in the morning. (Ps 30:5) After a hard season of demolition, it’s time to rethink, update and rearrange our lives. What do we dwell on? What do we talk about? How do we spend our time?

What’s one of the first things we want to do when we renovate? Have people over! Come see the changes I have made in my house or more importantly the changes the Lord has made in my heart. Before in this area I was ugly and selfish (pull out old photos), but now the Lord has changed my outlook. I see things through His eyes. We want to share the renovations in our homes and in our lives. Come over, have a meal, a conversation in this new space. I want to tell you what the Lord did for me. How things have changed by His grace. What’s the best part of a makeover story? The after shots.

Although we want to make changes for ourselves, we also make changes for those around us. I want to be a place people find safe and comforting. Relatable, yes, but someone that can move past the challenges and provide shelter for those in my “neighborhood.” I want to be useful to the Lord. The prayer of my heart is that God can repurpose my hurt and struggles to further His kingdom. The Lord will always be doing maintenance on me, but I want to be a place people can come to get shelter from the rain, inviting and warm . . . even if there is a lot of dog hair.

Please subscribe to my website and share with anyone who needs encouragement.

I love to hear your comments. You can follow me on social media, where your likes and shares help support this ministry.

The Hitching Post

Fuzzy Hope

Drafts on Demolition (Soul Restoration Series part Two)

July 19, 2022 by Emily Downs

Restoration is time-consuming. When we think of restoring old buildings (as we do in our line of work) or perhaps a work of art, we don’t jump to DIY. These are not quick “do-it-yourself” projects. This type of labor requires professionals. So it is, when it comes to my spiritual life. I don’t head over to the self-help section. Nope. This is not a job I can handle on my own—like doing electrical wiring or plumbing (and believe me, nobody would want me on those jobs). God is my go-to (be-all) professional consultant. And I need to consult Him everyday.

In my first article on restoration read here, I wrote about how God loves a project. He is in the business of restoration. Soul restoration. When He knocks on the door of our hearts, we have to invite Him in before he can start to do any work. Once we have greenlighted the project, He comes in with with the heavy machinery (the kind you need a license to operate). While the Lord does the heavy lifting, we do still have a part to play. We have been provided with a toolbox of our own.

Just as we don’t buy an old building to keep it the same, we need to be ready for God to make some changes in our lives. Am I willing to be renovated? This means the way I spend my time will change. I need to be ready to make reading the Bible a priority, almost a daily habit. In my 20’s, when I was trying to figure out this whole faith thing, I reasoned that I better actually read the Bible (like the whole thing) and not just the parts I saw on bumper stickers. Since then, I have read it from cover to cover, almost every year of my life. Just knowing what the Lord says does huge restoration work on our souls. As we learn His ways, down come some of the false ceilings and crumbling walls and we can start to see the framework God set up for our lives.

DEMO is always the first step in a big rehab project. Time for all the extra layers the space has acquired over the years to get ripped down. Old buildings have had many owners and often many uses. Depending on how old you are perhaps you have tried on some different personas over the years. We go through so many stages, good and bad, chasing after the wrong things, the wrong people. These stages can leave a mark in our thinking. I can still remember some of the lies people told me over the years that really colored the way I saw the world, myself and God. We need to take our thinking back to the studs. Get a clean slate and really dive into what the Word of God has to say about how we should think, live and treat those around us. The demo stage is messy and brutal as strongholds and negative thinking patterns get taken out to the dumpster.

Once all the old junk is moved out of the way (& this can take years); and you think you’ve sandblasted that pessimistic thinking out of your life . . . ahhh! there’s that mold growing in the corner again. I believe there is a demo stage of restoring our souls, but the maintenance is endless. That’s why I couldn’t just read the Bible through once and call it good. To stay on top of entropy (def: a measure of disorder; e.g., melting ice), I need to be constantly (daily is best) reading the Bible because old thinking and lies try to work their way back into my mind. I often think of it as feather dusting my mind; if I do nothing, just like dust, wrong thinking will build up. And just when you’re sure everything is sparkling clean the sun comes out and shows you all the corners you missed. Be sure to look under the furniture because dust bunnies love to hide out in the dark spaces.

What are some areas of your spiritual life and thought life that need to be demoed?

Maybe the way you think of yourself?

The way you think of God?

Or the way you relate to those around you?

How do you talk to yourself? Is it mostly negative and discouraging? What are some of the things you hear on replay? I’m doing a Bible study and one of the assignments was to write down how we think of ourselves. The adjectives I used were along the lines of not enough, lacking, failure. To my surprise almost every other woman I’ve asked about this has come up with the same type of words. Yet, when I look at the lives of these women, I think, “wow they got it together.” The enemy whispers to so many of us in the same way.

The warfare starts in our minds. It starts with how we think about ourselves and then it shows up in our words and in our lives. I often have to remind myself that I’m fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps 139:14), that God uses all different types of people (I Cor 12:4), that when I am weak, He is strong (Phil 4:13). A simple read-through of the Bible will show us that God does not use perfect people. Actually, apart from Christ, He uses exclusively flawed people. That alone stops some of those negative thoughts. Yup, I’m lacking, I can never measure up, I will never be perfect, but like that old building we’re rehabbing, despite all its flaws, we see its potential . . . and God sees ours.

When I can see God moving in my life, it’s easier to “feel” that He loves me and cares about me. It is when He is seemingly silent that I start to question His promises. I know He is a God of miracles and I believe He wants good things for me. Yet, when I’m in a time of waiting, I start to lose hope. I start to question what the Word says because I can’t see it in the physical world. I have to come to terms with my own expectations, my own time line, and my own plans for what I deem best. Often our faith is built in the “waiting” and faith is, after all, believing in what we can’t see, but know to be true nonetheless. Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (Heb 11:1) There is no doubt we live in a fallen world and for me there is no doubt God can work miracles in lives and hearts. The place I struggle is between those two points. How about you?

Just as a room needs to be demoed, my expectations of the how’s and when’s in my life need some demo work.

There might be some walls that need to come down.

We are made for relationships. It may not feel like it to some of us. I tend to self-isolate when I’m sad or angry. I don’t want to talk to anyone and that includes God. Sure I can do crazy, crying prayers in the shower or while driving, but I’m not really all that interested in the answer, I just want to feel better. I don’t really want to figure out how I got here (again!). But often God will use other people to speak to us and in turn He uses us to speak to other people. Thus, the importance of relationships. We help each other. Yes, we need alone time and time with God, but he pours into us so we can pour into others. His Spirit moves us to speak into a friend’s life or forgive or rejoice with someone. Apart from the odd hermit we live in community. We have to get along. This has really been tested lately in the world. If we are ambassadors of Christ, what does that look like? And (surprise again) we have different takes on that so how do we manage in truth and in love?

This is a lot of demolition work on our thinking and therefore on our words and our actions.

Are we willing to be taken down to the studs?

Do we believe God knows what is best for us? (This one is really hard for me.)

If those old buildings could groan and complain when we are ripping away the old walls and ceilings, I’m sure they would cry out—it is hard, painful work—but the end result is worth it. In our heart of hearts we know it is best. We can’t hang onto that old rotting stuff; we want it gone, we want to be made new. We want to be stronger and more solid in our faith, in our worth in Christ, in our value as a child of God. We want the little foxes of doubt chased out. We want the birds (of prey) that peck away at the corners of our thoughts to fly away. We want to be restored. “I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” Jn 10:10b

God will restore us. It is hard hard work. But the result will be amazing.

###

Take Heart: Why Our Struggles are important

Playing the Wrong Notes

Please subscribe and share this website with anyone who needs encouragement.

I love to hear your comments

Follow me on social media

(likes, comments and especially shares help support my ministry)

Drafts on Christmas Lights

December 19, 2019 by Emily Downs

Christmas is such a unique time of year. As a kid it’s so intense, mostly about the gifts (let’s be real), but also, all the special things like decorating cookies and twinkling lights and watching favorite movies while snuggled up in red plaid pajama sets. Yet, as I entered my teens and young adult years, it lost some of its charm; I couldn’t quite get those old feelings back. The lights were not quite as bright and the wreath cookies not quite as sweet. The pressure to find the right gifts and fit in all the events started to feel like a chore. As a parent, I get to enjoy the wonder of it all again (but this time on the other side-the work side). The wonder isn’t going to put up its own lights or remember whose gift is in which identically wrapped box after the dog eats the tags off.

As a child of divorce, your lack of not being able to do it all and be everywhere is never felt as deeply as at Christmas; although in retrospect, it was good practice for marriage. The minute I told my Grandma I was engaged to my husband, she blurted out, “I get Christmas Eve” . . . it was July. We still talk about how smart that was. We were too distracted by wedding venues to realize we should probably add a disclaimer, but my husband congenially agreed. Guess where we go every Christmas Eve? (I’m taking notes.) No matter what your arrangement, you can never be in enough places or bring enough gifts or food. Because the thing with Christmas is, that it highlights what you are good at and what you are bad at. My mom can wrap a gift so that the wrapping is the gift, where I just gave a friend a gift with the price tag still on (it was on sale) so at least she knows I can find a good bargain.

While I’m beyond blessed with family and lavished in blessings, I am at the same time more keenly aware of the brokenness that many may feel during this season. The losses are felt in a more profound way this time of year. The strings of white lights reflect not only the awe and magic, but also the loss and heartache. The people that are missing, the fractured relationships, the pushed down depression or anger or bitterness that may surface in the cold air of December. Like Charles Dickens’ famous line “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,” Christmas for many of us can be a tale of two Christmases The joy of eggnog by a fire with those we love and trying to smile while Aunt Claire asks you why you aren’t married, have children, or didn’t bring more dinner rolls or Uncle Clyde asks if you have been promoted, published your book or if you would like to hear about his eczema issues (just kidding he doesn’t ask).

Unlikely of Places

As the holidays approach, most likely you are being asked to contribute or attend an event, that although you will show up (with cookies) your heart isn’t right. Perhaps there are family members that are difficult (see eczema story), maybe you feel judged or unappreciated? Holiday gatherings can bring out old insecurities and emotions we thought long buried. We revert back to our childhood roles that are just not who we are anymore. Frustrations, jealousy and misunderstandings may float through our heads as we drive to parties and stay to dance around our conversations. The enemy wants us at our worst during these times. He wants us ineffective and distracted, and while it can be lovely to chat about the job and kids and how amazing the tree looks, maybe there is someone that needs to hear something deeper. Maybe a hot cocoa in a comfy corner by the fire can lead to healing words over a deep struggle. When our hearts are right, the Lord can use us, even in the most unlikely of places.

When we feel warm and fuzzy over Christmas, it’s easy to think everyone feels this same way. After all isn’t that what we see as the cards start to arrive, lining our windowsills—smiling faces looking back in holiday cheer. Isn’t everyone enjoying the parties and shopping and looking forward to the day of being reunited around a tree? What we don’t see in the cards are the sleepless nights over our jobs, anxiety over grades, the toll of finances and the health issues yet shared. We see the good, as it should be, but also not the whole truth. I’m trying not to be fooled into thinking everyone one else is problem-free this season.

I wrote an article years ago on what goes on behind a photoshoot; all the people at work to make that one picture look perfect. Fake hair, fake eyelashes, fake food and computer generated images make models and homes look flawless. I myself have modeled in these shoots and there is not only a small army of professionals styling each set, but also liberal airbrushing to catch any possible flaws. When I look at Christmas cards, I enjoy the adorable children and creative settings, but I try not to think that they have it all together; especially, as I look around my house, at tinsel waiting to get stuck in my vacuum and I still can’t find the O from my silver letters that spell NOEL. (My son keeps asking what NEL means!) I’m behind on shopping, decorating and baking (i.e. buying random things to bring to parties because I can’t remember what I signed up for). Quite obviously, I do not have a team of stylists working on my Christmas card setting (which I’m actually not sending for the third year in a row).

I’ve decided with the house lights off and the Christmas tree lights on, that it looks almost pretty—but those lights also cast shadows. I gathered with some of my best friends last week to celebrate, but one of us is missing (she went to heaven two years ago). I miss her so much and when we are all together, I feel like I’m always looking over my shoulder, wondering who is missing from the table. As we shared salted rosemary bread and warm cookies, we also shared our loss. While I gather with family and friends, I’m overwhelmed with my love for these people. The Lord has been healing my heart with hope of knowing this life isn’t all there is and I will see those who have gone ahead, especially, my sister (who has been in heaven far longer then she walked this earth). I have mostly known life without her, but I still feel her absence more keenly at these times of emphasized togetherness. I, also, long to sit again on my grandma’s bed and tell her all my problems or ride one more time with my grandpa on a sulky, training a young race horse.

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord!

As I smile for pictures by the tree lights, know that I’m happy and blessed, that I love eating snowman-shaped cookies and watching you open my haphazardly wrapped gift. The Lord is filling my longings with promise and as I look at my nativity set, I know that He, the Christ Child, came to suffer & die for mankind. He is lit by the glow of my tree in this moment; however, He was not in a polished glass manger scene, but in a dirty, smelly stone cave. It was most likely not well-lit, or warm or comfortable, but yet He brought the gospel of peace (“He restoreth my soul”). He would start His life on the run from men that wanted to kill Him, yet would not be angry. He would be called out of Egypt to a humble life, strikingly void of any grandeur, yet He would not be bitter. He is a King, but came as a servant. He was born, so that He might die. He gave all, so that we might gain everything.

The tree lights pale in comparison to my Saviour’s light. He illuminates all my blessings and all my faults, all my efforts and all my failures. He promises to be the strength in my weakness, the grace in my failures, the joy in my soul and He uses everything for His purpose. He is no longer a helpless babe in a manger, but God come in the flesh. He has known hunger and betrayal and deep loss, He knew His purpose and never looked for the easy road, He did not seek an earthly treasure, but one that does not rust. This time of year as the twinkling lights dance in the darkness, I’m in awe that even the tiniest of lights can be seen. I can be a little light in someone’s struggle because His light shines though me and perhaps brightest through my pain. A string of lights during the day goes unnoticed; it is in the darkness that they really shine.

**update: The missing O from NOEL has been found and returned to its rightful place!

What do the tree lights illuminate for you this time of year?

How can you be a light in someone’s darkness?